Sunday, May 4, 2008

NEW RATING SYSTEM AT TRASH-AESTHETICS

Howdy Folks,

My favorite Television show of all time is M*A*S*H (I'll be posting on it in the near future). Meantime, I'm implementing a new rating system here at Trash-Aesthetics. I won't be using it too much as I mostly review by way of the GONE TO BED SERIES or GIRLS AM/WAS GA GA OVER, and those would all receive the highest rating possible, naturally. But, for other stuff, like films I go see and such - - we've got a new Commanding Officer in camp and here are his dictates:

An "OFFICIAL SHERMAN T. POTTER OKEY DOKEY" is the highest rating that can be earned. Not only do you have Col. Potter's respect, but you most certainly have outdone yourself in every way imaginable. This is, to me, praise of the utmost caliber. The item reviewed is purely, and simply, FAN-DAMN-TASTIC!


After an Official Sherm Okey Dokey, the next highest rating that can be earned is the "HOLY HEMOSTAT!" Sherm thinks very highly of your efforts. His respect and admiration for your skills are formidable and he would give his all to see that you earned a promotion, or at least, a commendation for your efforts. A class act all around.


The generally amused but slightly concerned or annoyed Potter is the next ranking on the latter down and is referred to here simply as
"OHH...PIGEON PELLETS!" Sherm is not overwhelmed or underwhelmed, he is a mildly interested bystander. Neither commendation or recommendation are in order. A job done - not necessarily well and not necessarily poorly.

Now Sherm is getting a bit sour, and if you are rating below a "Pigeon Pellets", you are heading for a none too complimentary Shermie "WHAT IN THE NAME OF SWEET FANNY ADAMS...?!" Sherm is not pleased at all. As his former character Major General Bartford Hamilton Steele (3 E's! Not all in a row!) would say... WASTE, WASTE, WASTE! This is a waste of time and Sherm recommends skipping it!


And, lastly. You're in the hoosegow big-time if you get the dreaded "SUFFERIN' SADDLESOAP." Sherm thinks you and your work are utterly worthless. You have disappointed a fine man and an old horse-soldier. For shame. For shame.





I reserve this rating if the piece being reviewed is somehow offensive to one's intelligence or causes irrational fits of rage. If you get the BJ MUSTACHE rating, wow, this movie is not fit for human consumption. Now don't get me wrong, I like B.J. Hunnicutt just fine. However, his mustache and occasional "over do it" episodes are inexcusable. If this rating is given out to a film, it is because I would like to urinate on it.

Lastly, if there is a film that transcends the boundaries set above, it will receive the opposite of the BJ MUSTACHE rating, the greatest and highest award a film can recieve. THE KLINGER STATUE OF LIBERTY rating! This is reserved for recognized masterworks, i.e., Citizen Kane, Sunrise, L'Avventura, and my personal recognized masterworks, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Black Sunday, Into the Blue, etc etc.


Hope this rating system will aid any readers as to how reception may be measured on my end. Goodbye, Farewell and Amen.

4 comments:

Bill Courtney said...

Chick

This is Bill from The Uranium Cfae. Yea, you have a great site yourself! Great TV related related material. And good graphics. I love graphics. I cannot name all twelve of the retro divas but can name a few. from left to right: Julie Newmar as the greatest catwoman of them all,???, tura Satana as Varla from Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! (possibly the best cult movie ever made?),???,???, Rita Hayworth, Lana Turner, and Ava Gardner (who was married to Micky Rooney once! I think she later married frank Sinatra and redeemed herself, I am not sure),???,???,???, and Barbara Stanwyk who played the cowboy boss in The Big Valley I believe. She is not a gal I would normally see listed in a place liek this and shows electic taste. Sort of like Ida Lupino would.

I will be a regualr visitor I am sure since you seem to like a lot of the same things. Keep in touch fellow Lamb. Baa.

Bill

Taliesin_ttlg said...

Fantastic - I adore MASH too - your rating system is (most definitely/probably) without equal. If I could suggest one more (that probably overlaps with BJ's moustache)...

The Sherm "They shoot horses don't they" award for things that need putting out of their misery, with that wonderous image of Sherm shooting his crushed jeep.

Chick Young said...

Tal, Old Chum,

I didn't know you were a Mash fan. I never grow tired of it and I think I've seen every epsidode 20-30 plus times over the years. What high and mighty praise you give me for the rating system! I was doing a blog entry on Sherman - kind of a some of my heroes or people that have shaped the man I have become - and I thought, why not have Shermie himself provide the proper Potterisms for reviews??

Your suggestion is PERFECT, And I think it will be added, I've got to find a still of Sherm putting the jeep to sleep. All the best Tali.

Taliesin_ttlg said...

Oh, believe me I adore MASH, it is oft repeated on Paramount comedy over here and thus regularly finds its way onto the TV. I did consider investing in the DVDs but the thought of 11 box sets scared my bank account!!!